I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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