you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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