Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize