I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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