I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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