Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Randomize
