i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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