Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
