dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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