Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
