I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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