sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
