Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
