she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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