You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
