Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
