Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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