Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You need a sexual gate keeper
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How does one acquire holy water?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
