I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
