Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
