My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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