A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize