im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
