were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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