Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I need to stop coming to work sober
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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