Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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