we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
