So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize