I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
