After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
