I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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