giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
