nut hugger
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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