my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
