he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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