I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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