did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
