you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
