somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
