And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
