First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
