is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.