is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK