Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i've created a new STD.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat