Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We talked him into tasing himself.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities