Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
