help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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