Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
