Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
