fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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