I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
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Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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