Soap is not a condiment
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
