I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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