Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
