Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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