are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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