the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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