I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
